By: Nick Askam

Nine Lives is a story of a terrible father, Tom Brand (Kevin Spacey), and his quest to become a better father, not by his choice. Brand is about to open a new skyscraper and set the record for tallest building in the United States and neglects his daughter, Rebecca (Malina Weissman), who just wants a cat. At work, David (Robbie Amell) works under his dad and is constantly ignored, but he discovers that a board member, Ian Cox (Mark Consuelos), tries to steal the company right from under Tom. It also stars Jennifer Garner as Tom’s wife and Cheryl Hines as his ex-wife.

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The movie starts with Tom learning that his tower is not going to be the tallest tower in the land and having to try to come up with ways on how to make it the tallest. Then, on his way home on his daughter’s birthday, he picks up a cat from Christopher Walken who decides that Tom needs to get turned into a cat. Tom then must figure out how to get out from being a cat and save his company.

Nine Lives struggles to be anything more than a fun gag movie. It never reaches any potential or says anything, but it’s a nice way to waste an hour and a half. There is no redeeming quality from this film except a nice laugh as suicide plots and other ridiculous events occur to a cat. Nine Lives’ comedy is so horrible that it’s funny. The movie relies on cheap gags and peeing jokes to garner anything close to a laugh. If the plan is to start going insane, watching Nine Lives repeatedly might be the fastest way to do it. The feelings of general confusion start in at about the halfway mark as it becomes hard to remember why the film was turned on in the first place.

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The performances were, well… the main performance of the film is a cat. The cat is mainly CG, so there are no real acting performances. The VFX is surprisingly decent because I can’t believe that someone actually edited this movie and sent it off. It’s horrible in every way but knowing that one person threw their money away to make this makes the movie more enjoyable. I can’t believe that Spacey had to show up multiple days to create this pile of garbage.

In the end, I hope this film gets a cult following. I feel that it could be the next Wickerman/ The Room. It makes me so happy that this film is on Amazon Prime which means that just about everyone I know has access to this movie. If watching people start to go slowly insane is your thing, this movie is for you.

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Overall, save your money and just watch this on Amazon Prime. It’s a nice movie to talk about with your friends and is a nice party movie. I wouldn’t watch this seriously if someone paid me. This film is horrible in every way: boring cinematography, horrible plot, cheesy lines, over the top performances from both kids and adults, strange suicide plot.

Short Review: The Cat Died. Like My Dreams

Grade: F